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Relationship Coaching

Tips for Effective Communication

Whether you are at work or having fun, it can be frustrating to talk to people who monopolize the conversation. Their attitude toward you can make you feel defensive, angry and hurt, but you don’t have to walk away from the conversation filled with these negative emotions. When you use these tips, you can teach yourself to stay calm and cool when someone refuses to allow you to participate equally in a conversation.

friends-talking

Listen

If you have a loved one who tends to talk more than he listens, you should still listen closely when he is speaking. When you are a strong listener, you are better able to understand a person’s perspective, which will improve the bond between the two of you. In many cases, a person will become a better listener if he feels that you are truly listening to what he has to say.

Maintain Boundaries

Your friends and family members should not have the same freedoms around you that a co-worker has. As you look at the different relationships in your life, you should set appropriate boundaries. If a co-worker starts a conversation about his personal life, you may need to step away while gently telling him that you need to get some work done. He may simply need someone to listen to his problems, but you need to let him know that you aren’t the best person for that role.

Be Honest

If you tend to bottle up your hurt feelings because you are afraid that you will upset a loved one, try voicing your opinions. You may need to tell your wife that you would prefer to drive to a different vacation spot than the one she has picked out, or you may need to tell your friend that you can’t join her for lunch because you have too much work to do. When you are honest about the little things, you will be less likely to let the hurt feelings flood out of you when you get angry.

If you are speaking to someone who frequently interrupts, you may need to be firm and stand your ground. In some cases, a person may not realize that he is interrupting, and a gentle reminder that you aren’t finished talking will encourage him to let you finish your thoughts. However, some people are more concerned with voicing their own opinions than listening to others. In these cases, it may help to have a stronger response as you let the person know that you feel as though he is not focusing on what you have to say.

Communication is important, but it is not something that always comes easily. These tips will help you open up the lines of communication with your loved ones and co-workers so that everyone leaves the conversation feeling as though they were able to safely express their thoughts.

Image courtesy of Serge Bertasius Photography at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Dating Coaching Family Coaching Relationship Coaching

How to Recover from an Argument

Communication can be difficult, and no matter how close you are to your loved ones, there are sure to be some misunderstandings along the way. Fortunately, these arguments don’t have to be the end of your relationship. When you learn to communicate clearly after an argument, you can help put your relationship back on track.

making up after an argument

Avoid Making It Worse

When you are in the heat of an argument, it can be very tempting to say things that you know will hurt your loved one. You may want to place blame, make accusations or give your loved one the silent treatment, but these actions will cause the rift between you to grow and could possibly lead to the end of the relationship. No matter how angry you get, you should avoid saying hurtful things to your friend or family member so that you don’t make the situation worse.

Analyze the Discussion

After the argument has occurred, it is time for the two of you to piece together what happened. You should sit down and analyze how you felt, what you said and what you thought during the argument, and your loved one should do the same. Then the two of you can fully explain your role in the argument without criticizing or hurting each other.

Plan Ahead

Once you have both calmed down and evaluated the argument, you should make a plan for how to prevent that particular mishap from happening again. You can work together to form strategies that will keep the two of you out of the situation that originally caused the argument. If the fight with your spouse was about your late night at a friend’s house, then you may offer to call your spouse periodically throughout the evening. If the argument occurred with a friend because she forgot an important event, she may want to create a system that will help her keep track of significant dates. By working together to prevent the problem from occurring again, the two of you will feel closer and will find strength in teamwork.

Offer an Apology

Every argument should end with an apology so that the two of you can move past it. You should apologize for things you said that you knew would hurt your loved one, as well as for anything that you may have unintentionally done that caused the rift to grow deeper. As you apologize, explain to your loved one how you will react differently next time.

Arguments are difficult, but they are a part of relationships. These tips will help you and your loved one recover from an argument so that the two of you can continue to build a healthy relationship.

photo credit: Anthony Posey SIR:Poseyal Kinght of Desposyni via photopin cc

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General Personal Coaching Relationship Coaching Success Coaching

The Secret to Being Happy

Research has indicated that happiness is beneficial for many reasons.When our ancestors were focused on hunting and gathering, they were not concerned about finding fulfillment in life. Their purpose was to keep themselves and their loved ones alive by securing a safe place to live and finding enough food on which to survive. Today’s culture, however, has prompted Americans to look beyond basic survival strategies and start thinking about how to enjoy their lives to the fullest. This quest for happiness has led to many books, seminars and

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counseling sessions that are designed to help people find joy in living.

Why Search for Happiness?

Research has indicated that happiness is beneficial for many reasons. The chemicals that are released when happiness is felt may result in an increase in financial earnings, a higher level of creativity and a stronger immune system. Happiness is not just a feeling. While it is an emotion, happiness can have a powerful effect on the body. A burst of joy lasts longer than the effects of dopamine, and it can affect how you make everyday choices and decisions. If you want to become a happier person, you need to adjust your perspective about the things that you experience daily.

Taking Risks

Happy people often take measured risks. They are not

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afraid to try something new or different, and they accept the fact that they may not like the outcome. They may feel a small amount of anxiety over their decision, but they also know that their willingness to step outside of their comfort zone will lead them to grow and develop as a person. As you pursue happiness, use your sense of curiosity about the unknown to encourage you to explore

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and extend your horizons. However, you should also allow yourself to enjoy familiar pleasures so that you have a healthy balance.

Finding Joy in Others’ Fortunes

Happy people do not dwell on what they don’t have or what they wish they had, and this lack of jealousy allows them to find joy in their friends’ successes and victories. By sharing these celebrations with others, you can strengthen your relationships so that you also benefit when you have good news to share with your friends and family.

While finding happiness is important and beneficial, it should not be the ultimate goal in life. Studies show that people who experience extensive bursts of pleasure may not appreciate the smaller joys that they encounter. To truly benefit from happiness, you must work toward a purpose in life while enjoying the process that it takes to achieve your goals.

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Marriage Coaching Relationship Coaching

How a Coach Can Salvage an Otherwise Doomed Marriage

With two out of four marriages ending in divorce, it seems that many people are finding it easier to end their marriage than to endure the anger, pain and fighting of trying to work things out. And while other couples may try to work on their marriage, often they find themselves unable to reconcile and eventually filing for divorce as well. Without the proper guidance, couples may not be able to come to the compromises necessary to keep the marriage intact. This is where a

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marriage coach comes into play.

marriage coachThough many couples feel that they have full control of their relationship and that they do not need the help of an outside person, a marriage coach can help each party better understand the

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thoughts and feelings of the other. Without learning to read and communicate with his spouse, a husband may not realize how his actions affect her. Conversely, many wives assume that their husbands purposely ignore their wants and needs when, in fact, their husbands are merely unaware. The basic differences between the way men and women convey information can be the main reason for all of their problems.

Marriages coaches specialize in helping couples communicate and learn the silent cues of their partner. Just as important as verbal communication, nonverbal communication may contradict what is actually spoken. Things like facial expressions and body language are powerful. Couples have to learn to say what is intended, instead of expecting their partner to just automatically know.

Another issue that marriage coaches can target is passive aggressiveness. It is crucial for individuals to voice frustrations in a constructive manner. Attempts to hurt, embarrass or enrage the other spouse are damaging to any relationship. What is worse is that many individuals who resort to this type of behavior are not even aware that they are doing it. A marriage coach is able to observe and make notes to discuss with the couple. Once they are aware of their destructive patterns, each partner can begin to change his or her behavior and begin to work through the issues that divide them.

When a couple feels that their relationship is not worth saving or that there is nowhere to go for help, they may want to consider a marriage coach. Sometimes it takes a neutral observer to point out negative behaviors and suggest healthier, more productive ways to approach disagreements. Asking for help does not mean a couple is weak and cannot handle their personal problems, it means that they care enough about their marriage to give it the opportunity to heal.

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About Coaching Coaching for Women Dating Coaching Relationship Coaching

What Does A Dating Coach Do?

Have dinner with a stranger, add in some meaningless conversation to mask the awkwardness and sprinkle in obsessively trying to avoid saying or doing anything embarrassing, while trying to be witty and interesting. Does this sound like a recipe for a fun evening? Probably not, but it is exactly how the majority of singles spend

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their weekends. All of this energy is exerted in hopes of finding that one special someone. However, many of those singles will inadvertently cause the destruction of a budding romance before it ever starts. By conveying insecure or negative thoughts or actions, often without realizing it, individuals can seem hostile, unreceptive or otherwise unavailable to the opposite sex.

Dating coachBut if an individual is unaware of the signals he is sending, how can he hope to change this behavior? The most direct way to learn what to do and more significantly what not to do in the dating world is to procure the help of a dating coach. Highly skilled in the field of interpersonal relationships, dating coaches specialize in the art of communication and subconscious behaviors that can make or break relationships.

A common misconception is that dating coaches are merely matchmakers, this assessment is grossly inaccurate. While matchmakers arrange dates between individuals, dating coaches use a variety of methods to teach people how to attract and approach prospective romantic interests. Essentially, a dating coach focuses on strengthening her client’s confidence in respect to love and dating. However, while their goals are the same, there is no specifically outlined protocol that all dating coaches follow. The techniques used by each may vary significantly, but there are some common practices used by many coaches.

Role-playing For Dating Coaching

During role-playing sessions, clients may participate in a mock date with someone similar to his own type. While this “date” is taking place, the coach will likely take notes and critique individual parts that need modification. In addition, some dating coaches will have their clients act out flirtation, pick-up lines, dancing, and other actions that may need work. By offering a neutral perspective, the dating coach can put an end to the embarrassing or intimidating style that has been responsible for countless rejections.

Behavior Modeling For Dating

In behavior modeling, the dating coach may have the client play audience to her take on date. To show individuals the appropriate way to carry themselves in the presence of a romantic pursuit, it may be helpful to act out suggestions, rather than lecturing.

Dating Seminars

As with an education or business seminar, a dating seminar outlines tips, techniques and advice. Held in a public venue with numerous other clients, this technique is only helpful for individuals who learn and retain information in an open discussion. Shy individuals and those who prefer a substantial level of anonymity will most likely want to avoid this method.

Meeting people is difficult for many, but the advice and training of a dating coach can ease the discomfort. Though the sessions may be somewhat pricey and require hard work, the process may just lead an individual to find the love of his life, making it all worthwhile.

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About Coaching Coach Interviews Coaching for Women Life Coaching Relationship Coaching

Life Coach Jennifer Macaluso Gilmore

Interview with Life Coach and Trainer Jennifer Macaluso Gilmore

Corey: Hi! My name is Corey Quinn and I am the founder of MyCoachMatch.com. We are a site that helps clients get matched up with coaches based on personality fit. I am here with Jennifer Macaluso Gilmore. She is a trainer and a life coach. Welcome Jennifer!

Life Coach Jennifer: Thank you Corey.

Corey: Could you share with us, why are you a life coach?

Life Coach Jennifer: Well, I’m a life coach I think by happy accident. I really feel like it was my calling. Many, many years ago, to be honest, what I did was I started out on my own path of healing only solely for myself, with no intention of helping anyone else, and yeah, rather selfishly, I call it the gift of desperation. I just set out to kind of learn everything I could to heal myself from my own life. So you know, you name a self-help book, I read it. Of course, seminar, I have definitely taken it. Any healing modality that’s available or accessible in New York City, I’ve tried it, and as a result, as a by-product of all that education, you know, which I now look back at and realize was 10 years of probably my training for my life’s work. My life started to change dramatically. All the dreams that I have once only fantasized about became a reality. Everyone around me started to say, you know, what’s happened to you? I want some of that! Can you tell me? Can you share? And I felt very compelled to share what I have learned. I had like this burning desire to just let people know what I had learned because I have struggled myself for so long. So I would start to pass it on and everywhere I went, people would say, “Wow! You should teach a course!” And eventually, I have heard that enough that I said, alright, let’s try this. You know, the first class was just three friends and they loved it so much the next week, nine strangers came back and the rest is history. You know, I’ve been doing this for almost a decade now. It’s been over 800 women, all word of mouth. I don’t advertise at all. And to be honest, I really feel like I am a lucky one. I mean, I feel like I have the greatest job in the world. I get up every morning and I get to help people be their best selves and to realize their dreams. It’s great.

Corey: Wow. That’s a great story. I love it. You started from your own journey through self help and you were able to use that to help others. I think that’s really great. So, when should a client consider coming to one of your courses or coming to you on a one-on-one basis?

Life Coach Jennifer: A client [Inaudible 02:33] work primarily, I work solely with women. It’s no offense to men. I think men are amazing and lots of men sign their wives up and their girlfriends up and their sisters up. I’m you know, a big fan, but because I’m a woman and I do think there are particular issues for women, I work solely with women. So I would say when a woman should reach out is when you know, she is ready and willing to make positive changes in their lives. So, you know, I get two types of women, women that either their lives are really great on every [Inaudible 03:02], they are just looking on even bigger, better, fuller lives, or I get women that are struggling in one or more area in their lives. You know, maybe they want that special relationship with someone and it eludes them or they want to make more money. They want to find work that they love. They want to be happier. So, that would be the ideal woman to contact me.

Corey: Okay. So, could you share with me the importance of a match between a coach and a client?

Life Coach Jennifer: Yeah. Actually, I think it’s extremely important and I think it’s brilliant, what you’re doing. You know, like I mentioned to you earlier, reason being, I think it’s everything. You know, chemistry between two people is everything and in fact, that’s why I work the way that I do. So for me, if a woman comes to me, I will never work with her one-on-one until she has taken my foundation course. That’s the prerequisite to work with me individually. It is a 6-week course called “The Power of Right Now” and basically, what it does is it lays out every philosophy, school of thought, theory, concept that I believe is [Inaudible 04:05] in making positive changes in their lives. So women come in. They take that class and they experience a lot of change very quickly. It is very proactive. They get a real sense of me, my style, my energy, you know, how much I care about really investing and getting invested in helping them in bettering their lives. So, they like me. They like my style. They like what I’m about. They then have that opportunity if they’d like to work with me one on one. So I really let the clients dictate everything including how frequently she feels she needs to see me now. You know, if I had an opinion and they ask for it, I will absolutely voice it. There is a time where I do feel it would be very beneficial to work once a week, but there are times when I think, you know, someone does very well on their own and they are very capable of, you know, taking actions on their own. So, it might be [Inaudible 04:52] just monthly. So I really allow my clients to dictate what they need and I am here to help them in any way that they feel is necessary.

Corey: That’s great. So could you share with me a success story?

Life Coach Jennifer: You know what, I cannot pick one success story. Honestly, I have witnessed so many amazing, you

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know, miracles and dreams materialize. I feel like I would offend my clients by just you know, singled out one of them. Honestly, one of my greatest, like perks to my job is getting to my inbox every single morning and finding a few e-mails and like, “Thank you so much Jen Mac! You know, I can’t believe this happened when I came to you.” But I would say, you know, I have had many, many women come to me that have been like you know, out of the dating scene for a decade plus or have been single or burned. They come to me and throw a work together. They’ll open their heart up and let in a wonderful guy to learn how to really effectively communicate. They’ll get married. They’ll have children. They’ll buy their dream home. I have also had women come to me that were in tremendous amounts of debt. I’d help them you know, debt [Inaudible 06:04] noble idea for some people and learn how to start to save towards dreams realized by beach homes, start businesses. I have got a lot of moms that wants to run the workforce and felt like, Jen Mac, there is no way I could work from home doing what I love and I’m like, yes there is! Let’s do it. Let’s design it. Let’s you know, create this and now I am happy to say I’ve got many moms who are working from home doing what they love, making more money than they made when they were working in the office, and I think one of the things I feel most proud of being a part of how many clients would come to me, where they were on medication and they really believe they are going to be on medication the rest of their lives. Now, I’m a huge believer in you know, modern medicine or science being used. I think it is great being used to get people through a period of life or to deal with some, you know, deep-rooted issues, but I don’t believe that for the majority of people, that people have to be medicated their whole lives. So, there have been people that have come to me with you know – not for everyone, I’m just saying for lots of people I worked with, but they have come to me and said you know, I have been on anti-depression medication forever and I don’t want to be on it and you know, what if their doctor obviously is slowly weaning them off, but also doing this work and finding new ways to cope and skill – you know, coping mechanisms or skills to deal with life on the extremes, they have been able to get off their medications, and that’s something I feel so you know, proud about that I have been to [Inaudible 07:35] that kind of journey for people and that they are free and they now know how to find happiness within, without, having to use anything.

Corey: That’s great. Thank you so much Jennifer for spending some time with us today.

Life Coach Jennifer: You are very welcome Corey. Thank you.

About Life Coach and Trainer Jennifer Macaluso Gilmore:

Life coach JenniferSince January 4, 2003, Jennifer has taught her ‘Something Different For Women’ courses to over 700 women here in New York City as well as females around the globe; women in Miami, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Dallas, Denver, Seattle, Boston, Wisconsin, Chicago, Toronto, Ottawa, Copenhagen, Paris, Dubai, Cairo, Yemen & Malaysia. Her ‘Something Different for Women’ series of courses was born out of endless requests from friends and strangers alike, who, over the course of many years, were attracted to Jennifer’s positive energy, inspirational words and her own personal successes and self motivation.

Jennifer’s diverse training is a compilation of 21 years studying with various schools, programs and courses for her own personal growth. She has in depth knowledge and first hand experience with cognitive-behavioral therapy (completing an intensive eight years of individual therapy and four years of group therapy). She has also studied Core Energetics here in New York City, has fifteen years experience with the program of AA, various other twelve step programs and for three years studied women’s history and the art of relationships (completing and assisting several advanced level courses at “Relationship Technologies”). In addition to all classes, courses and schooling, Jennifer has read hundreds of books on women’s studies, addiction, co-dependence, goal setting, quantum physics, eastern philosophies and the powers of consciousness.

Aside from teaching her courses, Jennifer also leads corporate trainings & speaks for organizations in and around New York City.

Jennifer is happily married to her husband & best friend for over ten years, Matt. They have a son, Tyler & a daughter, Reese. She splits her time between their two residences in New York City & Marshall’s Creek, Pennsylvania.

Categories
About Coaching Coach Interviews Relationship Coaching

Interview with Relationship Coaching Institute Founder David Steele

Why did you start the Relationship Coaching Institute (RCI)?

Two reasons:

  1. When I fell in love with Coaching in 1996 as a Marriage and Family Therapist I wanted to specialize in Relationship Coaching and I was shocked to find absolutely no training program.
  2. I quickly built a highly visible and successful relationship coaching practice in my area and my colleagues requested I conduct a relationship coaching training workshop to share my
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    methods. That first training was the birth of Relationship Coaching Institute.

Here’s a bonus reason… when I entered the coaching profession it wasn’t my intention to train anyone. However, the coaching field at the time was like the wild west and was attracting “outlaws” who were marketing “coaching” without any specialized training or understanding of professional coaching. I felt an obligation and responsibility to promote a model of relationship coaching that was aligned with the methods, practices, and standards of professional coaching as defined by the International Coach Federation. I saw coaching as a huge advancement in the helping professions that could make a real impact in the world.

What is the mission of RCI?

To provide innovative, high quality relationship coaching training and help our graduates get clients and build a successful business that helps singles and couples have successful relationships.

What is relationship coaching?

Relationship coaching is a professional client-focused service where an individual or couple is assumed to be healthy, powerful, and able to achieve their relationship goals with effective support, information and guidance.

What professional background is appropriate for a career in coaching?

While training is necessary to become a coach, no professional background is necessary to start coach training.

Why should a prospective coach choose RCI?

In addition to being the first and largest international relationship coach training

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organization, RCI provides unparalleled marketing and practice building support for our graduates. We intentionally organized as a membership organization so we can provide on-going support to help our graduates get clients and build a successful business. We are committed to the success of our members and provide dozens of member benefits and resources beyond relationship coaching training.

For a list of our member benefits and resources-

http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/resources-members.htm

What are the top three pieces of relationship advice you can offer?

  1. Believe that you deserve to love and be loved. When you truly believe that you deserve to love and be loved you will pull or magnetize the love you want and stop (unconsciously) pushing love away.
  2. Honor your deepest needs and requirements. Acknowledge your requirements, needs, and wants, and take responsibility for getting them met. If you settle for less, you get less, and you won’t experience the love and connection you really want.
  3. Take emotional risks. If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got. Your understandable desire to stay safe and hope love and connection somehow happens will not work. A successful, fulfilling relationship requires leaving your comfort zone and putting yourself out there authentically to others. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and take emotional risks.

About David Steele

David Steele is a California-based Marriage and Family Therapist who fell in love with coaching and in 1997 founded Relationship Coaching Institute, the first and largest international relationship coach training organization. RCI is committed to helping you get clients and have a successful practice coaching singles and couples to have successful relationships. To learn how you can become a relationship coach or add relationship coaching to your existing practice sign up for a free Introduction to Relationship Coaching tele-training at the Relationship Coaching Institute

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About Coaching Coach Interviews Coaching for Women Relationship Coaching

Relationship Coaching with Leslie Karen Sann

What is your definition of a relationship coach?

A relationship coach helps you learn how to be authentic and true to yourself while participating with another in creating shared beneficial experiences. A relationship coach is someone who supports you in learning how to do this so you can find fulfillment and joy in your relationships and in your life. One of the keys to finding love in life is learning to love yourself first, so you can share your love with others. A relationship coach helps you discover ways to enrich the relationship you have with yourself while teaching you life and relationship skills so you can resolve issues, achieve goals and succeed in creating healthy, joyful relationships with others.

Why would someone hire a relationship coach?

I love when people hire me when they realize they are stuck and they want to learn tools for success so they can thrive in their relationships. Relationships are alive, growing and dynamic. Positive relationships can be nurturing, supportive and deeply fulfilling. When our relationships are troubled they become a drain and a distraction from living a life of joy and creativity. Yet creating positive relationships is not always easy as most of us are still learning how to truly love and be real.

No one teaches us how to have healthy, successful relationships. When things get hard and they can’t figure out what to do to make things better many people leave the relationship, whether it is a job, a partnership, a marriage. They give up too soon. Life is complex and continuously changing. Learning how to negotiate positive relationships that stay strong, even in the face of challenges, is part of the human maturation process. Just because a person hasn’t figured out how to do this on their own doesn’t mean they’re doomed. It may mean it is time to ask for help. It might not be the relationship that is the problem but the approach.

We can learn how to approach a relationship from the perspective of inviting and promoting powerful and positive change in you and in the other. A great way to learn is through the process of coaching. When you want one type of experience with either yourself or another, yet you keep creating something else, it is a good time to ask for help and hire a coach, someone to mentor and guide you in changing and growing in positive ways.

There are many opportunities for learning to create positive change available through coaching. Skills can be learned, such as:

  • authentic and effective positive communication
  • making powerful requests
  • negotiating clear agreements and keeping them
  • saying no when you mean no and yes when you mean yes
  • taking 100% healthy responsibility
  • setting and maintaining healthy, loving boundaries
  • learning to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually
  • telling the truth in a non-blaming, loving manner
  • resolving issues, problems or differences and finding a third right answer, a win/win solution
  • listening to connect
  • the power of forgiveness, empathy and compassion
  • . . and more

Not only do I teach these skills and more, I also coach my clients to apply these tools to make positive lasting changes.

What do you see is the gift of relationship struggles?

You are the only person you can count on spending the rest of your life with. Learning to love yourself is key to learning how to love anyone else. You can’t give or receive love if you don’t love yourself. Each relationship brings an opportunity to learn how to be a more loving, creative, authentic you. What a gift!

 

It’s not easy to see distress in relationship as a gift when it is occurring. Most people are understandably distracted by the discomfort of the problem, unresolved feelings, and limiting behavior patterns that have been provoked. Many imagine that if the other person would just change, the situation would resolve itself. It’s about them, not me. It sets us up to play Victim. Yet have you ever noticed that whenever you are disturbed in a relationship you are there? If you are there, you can do something. Turn the focus back to yourself and you have empowered yourself to make a difference in your life. There are so

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many choices when you turn your attention to yourself. Take new action, produce a different result, and learn from the experience. You are now Victorious.

When you see relationships from this vantage point you will discover difficulties and obstacles in life are often blessings for, in reality, we grow through adversity. This process of growth liberates energy bound in unresolved issues, energy that can now be invested in creating a life of your own design. Living by design is what living victoriously is about.

How is relationship coaching different from other types of coaching?

All coaching is about implementing change and inviting more of what we want into our lives. With relationship coaching we are working in the realm of you and another, whether it be your spouse, your business partner, your child, your employees, your boss. The focus is on nurturing connection, authenticity and honesty within ourselves and sharing authentically with others.

Why did you become a relationship coach?

Learning to live in loving relationship with myself and others has been a life long passion. I love to learn and grow. I am also inspired to share what works in service to the well being of others. Over the course of my more than 25 years in practice as a certified coach and a licensed therapist, I noticed most if not all issues my clients deal with have to do with relationship in some form. They may be looking at how they are valuing themselves, if they are going for their dreams and/or finding fulfillment. They may be ready to find an intimate other and wondering how to create a lasting loving relationship. Perhaps they are already in a partnership and either are having challenges or want to deepen in intimacy and love. Then there are relationships with children, parents, coworkers, bosses, and employees. When are we not in relationship? Even when alone, we are in relationship with our self.

If you are like most people, there is at least one relationship that is a bit irritating. As much as we want relationships to be harmonious we often meet with challenges. Relationships trigger us. This is an inevitable part of life. The question is not how to avoid relationship issues, but how to handle the challenges that arise. When issues arise our first reaction is to feel like a victim. Victims are powerless to effect change.

My clients want to move from victim to empowerment. They know that for relationships to thrive they must be nurtured and cared for. They want to learn skills and deal effectively with the challenges they are facing. They are looking for clear direction and practical guidance in navigating the mysterious and often challenging realm of relationship.

I know that circumstances can change and I love assisting my clients in doing what it takes to make a positive, loving difference in their lives. When each of us chooses to invite more love, peace and harmony into our lives, in a very real way we are making a positive difference in the world. “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.” To be part of the process of peace is a joy for me indeed. I became a relationship coach because it’s a way for me to serve what is most important to me: peace, goodwill, joy and love.

 

What is unique about your coaching practice?

I am a transformational coach. I work with change from the inside out. Love is really the guiding force in my practice. I show my clients how to listen to their heart and follow it’s guidance.

I support my clients in seeing how they are participating in the situation they want to change and in creating positive outcomes. They learn to recognize where they have influence to make a difference. I believe this is an essential understanding. Freedom is discovered when we realize it is not the other person that is the issue, but it is how we are relating to that other inside of ourselves that is the issue.

As in all my work, shifting from Victim to Victorious is key. You have the power to invest your creativity in making a difference in ways that can lead to success. I assist my clients in exploring possibilities: doing more of what works, less of what doesn’t and trying new things. Learning new behaviors and taking leveraged action is key to success in any domain of life, including relationships.

Many believe that if your partner, boss, child, doesn’t actively engage in the change process there is no hope for the relationship. Yet there is research, and I personally have witnessed, that this is not at all true. We may not have control over another, but we have influence. In my coaching practice, I have seen that when one person changes the way they engage the relationship changes. Learning how to do this skillfully and from love is the key to a joyful life, and the unique perspective motivating my coaching.

 

Who is your ideal client?

I am interested in working with people who are willing and ready to invest in making a positive difference in their life. My clients come to coaching ready to change and are willing to invest in doing what it takes to support what they want in happening. The choice to hire me is often motivated by the realization that they are stuck in repetitive patterns invariably creating the same miserable results. They want to learn from their mistakes and are therefore open to guidance and mentoring.

My ideal client is any person who is willing to say, “YES”, to taking responsibility for their own joy, who is willing to stop blaming life, people, jobs, bosses for the situation they are in and instead is willing to look to themselves to do something different; someone who is ready to turn Victim into Victorious.

When is it time for a person to start seeing a relationship coach?

Any time they want support to move to the next level of their relationship. That could be now! Relationship issues arise over the course of a life. We may be married to a great partner for us, yet life happens. We mature, our values change, what we want shifts, children are born, parents grow older. How do we negotiate changes as they happen in a relationship? Many people want support in navigating through tough times.

Work has its own set of relationship challenges. Coworkers come and go. Bosses change. Job responsibilities shift. The only thing constant in life is change. Yet whether the challenges are at work or at home, relationships are always in flux. Therefore, we are required to change in order to meet the challenges before us.

For example, I work with one particular couple every two weeks. They started working with me when they began to get serious, even before they were engaged. She had been married before and wanted support in creating a successful, lasting, loving marriage. They use our sessions as a time to get current with each other, learn new skills, and come to a place of deeper connection. I appreciate the clear intention this couple has, now married for two years, to do what it takes to learn to live together in love, honesty and connection.

If you are struggling, the loving and wise thing to do is to ask for help. Find a coach to assist you in learning skills so you can move forward in life. Learning and growth support health and a deeper sense of well being and fulfillment in life. Making new choices and experimenting with creative action is the key to success. If what you are doing isn’t working, try something different. Why suffer when there is ample help available for the asking?

Remember, relationships can be very powerful and can trigger deep issues, issues that seem unrelated to the circumstances. It is important to hire a competent person to be with you on your transformative journey. If you are interested in exploring the possibility of relationship coaching please call, 312-409-0686, or email, leslie@living-bydesign.com. For more information about my coaching practice please visit my website: http://www.living-bydesign.com

ABOUT LESLIE KAREN SANN, MA, LCPC

An innovative and inspired counselor, educator and coach for more than 25 years, Leslie uses her gifts to awaken possibility, authenticity and joy. She has been helping people just like you resolve problems and achieve happiness since 1986. Board Certified Professional Counselor and Certified Coach, Leslie gently helps individuals, couples and groups resolve personal problems, manage stress and achieve happiness. She is available to meet with you either in person in her Chicago or Geneva office, or by phone or video conferencing.

 

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:

I have included resources on the topics of Loving Self, Loving Others, Learning and Empowerment taken from my Living by Design Tips newsletter archives here: http://www.lesliesann.com/LivingByDesign/CoachMatch.html

Additionally, I invite you to sign up for the biweekly Living by Design Tips as a way to support your process of empowerment. Along with receiving the biweekly eZine, you will also have access to the Insider Guide to Creating the Life you Want eBook. Go to: http://www.lesliesann.com/LivingByDesign/JoinOurList.html and sign up now.

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About Coaching Coach Interviews Relationship Coaching

Relationship Coach – Do I Need One?

If you are wondering whether a relationship coach can really help improve your relationship, you may be interested in reading this great interview with relationship coach Vikki Hoobyar. Enjoy.

What is your definition of a relationship coach?

My definition of a relationship coach is someone who is trained and joyfully works with individuals and couples to assist them in improving their relationships, and getting them what they want.

Any relationship can be in need of improvement; i.e., the relationship with a friend, co-worker, lover or family member. Or the problematic relationship may be the relationship with your self. Often a client will have difficulty sustaining a dating relationship, a couple may be stuck in a rut or the relationship with a teenager may be stressed.

Coaching can vastly improve these situations and people can create better outcomes than they ever dreamed possible!

How is relationship coaching different than other types of coaching?

Relationship coaching is focused on helping a client be the way he or she really wants to be in their relationship(s). It is focused on today not yesterday. Coaching can help people create happier and more durable associations. Relationship coaching is different from other types of coaching because it is focused solely on the relationships between individuals, couples and groups.

Why did you become a relationship coach?

I was in graduate school and getting psychotherapy training when I first heard about coaching from Tom Hoobyar, who I was dating and later married.

Although I continued on the “therapy” track, I also took advanced NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) Training and Destination Coach Training.

I found that the coaching skills I learned were far more effective than the therapeutic skills I was learning in college. Many people came to me wanting information, ideas and skills. There was no problem or objection a client could bring up that I couldn’t handle after the NLP Training.

I became a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California and found it extremely difficult to build my practice. In this new economy, many clients want to use their insurance benefits and then those companies pay so poorly that it really isn’t worth it.

I didn’t want my client relationships and my work life

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to be treadmill oriented. I had invested a lot in my education and found that I would reap more benefits and help more people using the coaching model.

After moving to Nevada I decided that I wanted to build a coaching practice rather than go through the process of obtaining another license and building another psychotherapy practice, where the clientele expects to be able to use their medical insurance. It has been very fulfilling!

What is unique about your coaching practice?

The thing that is unique about my coaching practice is that it flows out of my therapy practice. As a licensed psychotherapist, I have a lot of experience with different types of relationship problems.

Over the last twelve years, I have worked with many singles on learning how to maintain dating relationships. I have also worked with lots of couples, parents with children and grown siblings. I’ve coached clients regarding employment relationships and I‘ve worked to help people create great relationships with others and themselves. Whatever my client(s) want to work on…we work on.

I have found coaching techniques to be much more useful to high-functioning people than the classic “dig up the past” methods used in therapy. My coaching practice is fun and fulfilling! My clients laugh a lot! I don’t prescribe for them or diagnose them. I don’t believe that there are any “bad” guys.

I believe that everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they currently have, to create the experiences they are presently having. It is my job to connect my clients with their internal resources and to teach them appropriate processes to assist them in obtaining their outcomes. I love what I do!

Who is your ideal client?

My ideal client is someone who wants to improve a relationship, be it a friendship, romance, work or family situation. I enjoy working with high-functioning couples and individuals.

The ideal client(s) does not need therapy but wants coaching. Most people just have some behavioral hiccups and/or beliefs that are getting in the way of how they want to be and what they really want in life.

When is it time for a person to start seeing a relationship coach?

The best time to start seeing a relationship coach is when you realize you have a relationship issue (glitch) that you can’t sort out on your own. You’ve got to want to make an improvement in your life. It is always better to come for coaching sooner rather than later.

As a psychotherapist I’ve seen many couples come for counseling after being in conflict for so many years, that when one of them sought help it was often too late to save the relationship. It is much easier to help people as soon as one or two small issues arise.

I have couples that call me whenever they come up against an issue they just can’t resolve on their own and they don’t want to sweep it under the rug. I also see people who just want more satisfaction in their lives and relationships. It’s a privilege to be able to assist people in creating the relationships of their dreams.

About Vikki Hoobyar:

Vikki Hoobyar has worked as a psychotherapist for over twelve years and has a clinical practice in California. She has an M.S. in Marriage and Family Counseling. She is also certified as a Master Practitioner of Neuro Linguistic Programming (a powerful brief therapy skill) and is a Destination Coach.

As a psychotherapist Vikki’s focus is on relationships and group therapy. As a coach she helps clients with challenges ranging from communication issues to life plan crises.

Vikki’s

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personal story explains her calling. She is an adult child of an alcoholic parent and has survived the loss of her brother, mother and first husband to alcohol-related deaths. It was after these experiences that she started college at age 40 and completed seven years of schooling, graduating with honors.

She is happily remarried, is the parent and step-parent of three adult children, and has seven grandchildren. In addition to her counseling/coaching practice she is currently at work on two books, which are due in late 2011.